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Screw Travel Blogging. I’m Becoming The Best Fashion Blogger In The World!

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Today I’m making a MASSIVE announcement!

I’m making a career change today. I’m going to switch from something I love – travel blogging, to something that is undeniably my real passion and my real destiny – fashion blogging!

Yes, I’ve been hiding my true self for so long. As much as I love travelling the world (and that’s without being on the Amazing Race), experiencing new cultures, having wonderful and meaningful experiences, and sampling every beer made in the world before I die, my true calling has finally overtaken me.

I feel that I have no choice but to follow this calling – by writing about clothes, shoes, hair (even though I don’t have that much left) and other styling tips which I’ve neglected for so long.

I mean, there has always been this thing that’s been bugging me for so, so long – like I’ve been a delicate fashionista with an impeccable fashion style that’s been trapped inside a smelly and scruffy backpacker’s exterior. Plus I’m getting a bit tired of writing countless travel articles and travel blogger jokes… in Australian strine and slang!

I’ve always thought of myself as fashionably unfashionable, but hey, if an item of clothing is good enough to make the catwalks of Milan, it’s good enough for me and my backpack.

So it’s time for me to come out a.k.a. Caitlyn Jenner and express how I really feel about my new fashion blogging persona. I can’t wait to be a trendsetter! I won’t have to find a cheap flight by myself ever again!

But the best thing of becoming a fashion blogger is this – whilst dreaming all day about how I could look the cutest that I could be, one other big motivation is that I want the big fashion houses to pay me the big bucks for flogging off all of their gear.

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I can’t wait to post a selfie showing off how cute I look to my Instagram account so I can influence a countless handful of people to open their wallets.

But let’s face it, there is a big financial carrot here. I’m a bit tired of being offered 10 bucks for a shady SEO link to some dodgy gambling or adult website that’s not actually related to the travel niche.

It’s not worth my time trying to negotiate something more substantial that will provide me more sustenance than a couple of packets of two minute noodles for a couple of days.

And, it’s time for me to buff up by working out in the gym and maybe popping a few pills to help that muscle growth tick along. In my pre fashion blogger life, it was so, so hard to maintain a one pack. I mean, all of that beer drinking that’s required to hide all of those abs that are just trying to burst out of my torso has become way too much!

So I am currently going through my travel blogger to fashion blogger transformation. First of all, I’m going to get into hair. Check out the great job my hairdresser came up with. I love how the orange streaks just bring out my big brown eyes.

Thetraveltart Large

And to add tho this, I’ve decided to create an online portfolio of fashion shots so the money comes rolling in thick and fast when the textile manufacturers lay eyes on this life transforming post that’s going to rock and fashion world.

Let’s have a look at some of my awesome and epic glamour shots.

I’d love your feedback on how good I look in these. I love them!

Look at me! I’m the BEST FASHION BLOGGER IN THE WORLD!

This is me looking rather classy and sophisticated whilst travelling. This is one for the high flying executives out there who want to always look their best around the world.

Best Fashion Blogger In The World

But I’m right into the underwear modelling too.

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I’ve definitely got the ‘whole package’.

Buff Photo Shoot

And there’s nothing a bit of cool urban chic to make the ladies slip on their own drool…

Glamour Shots For Fashion Bloggers
Mature Wine Influencer

But I’ve got some style too. I can drink really expensive wine and look really great too!

Mens Fashion Blog

And then there is my more casual look. No more ripped clothes for me!

Model-890887_1920

And for those who like their tatts – this one is for you.

And for some really weird fashion gear that no one in their right mind would ever buy – well, I’m into that stuff too!

Style Blogs
Travel And Fashion

And I’m even combining my first passion of fashion with my second one of travelling. Look, I’m a traveller because I have a camera hanging around my neck.

I’m sure there are some of you out there who think that I’m selling out.

Hey, we’re all sell outs, but we just sell out for a different price!

I’m dead certain that I’ll be retired in no time!

I’m also going to rename this silly blog from The Travel Tart – to The Trendy Tart!

I’m just so looking forward to meeting you out there and spotting a piece of clothing you’ve bought because you’ve seen me wear it!

Ta ta for now!

Please let me know how good I look! 🙂

I’m sure I’m the most beautiful man in the world!

More Travel Satire!

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4 thoughts on “Screw Travel Blogging. I’m Becoming The Best Fashion Blogger In The World!”

  1. Avatar Of Jo

    You undoubtedly are the most beautiful man in the world and my favourite fool every day of the year.

  2. Avatar Of Mumun

    Ahahahaha… I just laughed through this. I think you spent more time editing your photos than writing this post.

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