It’s time for some Golf Jokes! More silliness to clog up the internet!
One thing that many people do when travelling around the world is play or watch a bit of sport at some of the places they’re visiting. And as a teaser…..
What do you call a golfer who has recorded a fantastic score? A liar
What does a golfer think waking down the green is? A romantic walk…
How do you find the worst golfer on a golf course? You just follow the wounded…
What do the worst drivers in the world and the worst golfers in the world have in common? They should both wear a sign that says ‘How’s My Driving?’ Call this number!
Why do golfers have to keep buying golf balls? Because they don’t know how to swim.
However, I’m sure there are some sport nuts who have played the odd round of golf at the golf courses that are scattered all around the world.
I’ve actually only played one round of golf – ever. It was on the morning of a friends wedding, and it would be fair to say that I was pretty ordinary. I think I spent more time hitting the ball into a tree, sand pit, or not at all!
But that tragic day was somewhat erased recently when I was invited by Emirates to check out the Australian PGA championship at the RACV Royal Pines course at the Gold Coast in Australia.
Yes, I did quite enjoy having a beer at the 18th hole (or 19th holes?) whilst the players were trying to sink their golf balls into the hole! For the record, you have to be quiet when these guys are having a shot!
And no, I didn’t crack and golf jokes out loud!
Anyway, the PGA is where both professionals and amateurs both have a crack at winning millions in prize money. Maybe I missed my calling and I should have become rich by chasing a golf ball around a green!
But have a think about it – I reckon I’d have a much better chance winning a million dollars by sinking a hole in one at the ‘Million Dollar Hole’ than I would at winning the lottery!
Like any professional sportsperson, they’re always committed to what they do and they’re the ones that are up at the crack of dawn at the driving range, practicing their shots to make sure they can sink those balls into the cup!
However, other mere mortals like myself will just have to be content with frustratingly hitting a ball around 18 holes, hoping that all of your body, including your brain, hands and feet are all coordinated at the right time!
So that’s why I’ve collected a list of Golf Jokes for you to have a bit of a laugh.
When you’re having your next round at any golf course around the world and things aren’t going your way, don’t despair.
I saw a tonne of pros at the PGA stuff up their shots or putts, so I don’t feel so bad! Even the guys who get paid to play the game they love make mistakes and just move on!
Here we go!
Golf Jokes, Puns and Funny Quotes – for those love the game but can’t quite get it right!
- What’s the best part of the fairway to be on? The top
- One golfer says to the other, ‘We’ve only played 3 holes and have already hit our ages…’
- A golfer’s diet involves living on the greens as much as possible
- Golf balls are like eggs. They’re white, sold by the dozen, and you have to buy more by the end of the week.
- I’m going to change jobs and become a caddy, because I always know that if I have a heart attack on the greens, there’s always going to be a doctor nearby…
- What do you call a golf ball that goes dead straight down the green after you hit it? A miracle!
- It’s easier to get up at the crack of dawn to play golf than it is to wake up at 10am to mow the lawn.
- I didn’t miss the putt, the ball just missed the hole
- What do most golfers have to shoot to win their tournament? The rest of the field…
- What’s the difference between a golf ball and directions? A man will always look for a golf ball.
- If the point of golf is to hit the ball less, if I don’t play at all, do I win?
- A bad day at golf is better than a good day at work
- It’s not whether you win or lose that counts, it’s whether I win or lose..
- What does a golfer think waking down the green is? A romantic walk…
- I took up golf just so I could be useless on weekends too.
- A man goes to a clairvoyant, who says ‘I see lots of sand, trees and water. You must be a bad golfer’
- Luke Skywalker takes out his light saber on the green, and says to the golfers ‘May The Course Be With You…’ (Boom Boom!)
- A pretty pathetic golfer was getting frustrated with his lousy game and began blaming his mistakes on his experienced caddie. As the round came to an end, the golfer said, “You have to be the worst caddie in the whole wide world.” To which the caddie replied, “I don’t think so, sir. That would be too much of a coincidence.”
- What do you call a golfer who has recorded a fantastic score? A liar
- What do cricket and golf have in common? A century is a pretty good score for a bad player in either sport.
- What do the worst drivers in the world and the worst golfers in the world have in common? They should both wear a sign that says ‘How’s My Driving?’ Call this number!
- What’s the difference between a pro golfer and everyone else that plays golf? Everyone else retires to play golf.
- How does a woman prevent her husband from leaving the house all of the time? She hides his golf clubs.
- What do you call the perfect golf shot? A fluke!
- Golf is 90% mental which is why the people I play with think I’m crazy…
- Why do golfers have to keep buying golf balls? Because they don’t know how to swim.
- What’s the difference between golf and other sports? It takes at least 60 years to be this good..
- How do you find the worst golfer on a golf course? You just follow the wounded…
- What’s the difference between golfers and the general population? Fewer people have reached 100.
- What’s the difference between the words ‘put’ and ‘putt’? Put is placing something where you want it. Putt is a totally vain way to try and do the same thing.
- Golf is just another four letter word that where golfers say four letter words.
- I like the 19th hole because that means I can drink after I drive.
- What do a golfer and a very young child have in common? They can’t count past five.
There you go! Golf jokes to share with your next putting partner when you realise your games are just as bad as each others!
If you’re a mad keen golfer, what are your favourite golf jokes?
Share with the rest of the world and make everyone who chases that white ball around the green laugh!
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